Realigning Priorities: Choosing Growth Over Fleeting Connections in the Writing Journey

Priorities: How Learning from Lost Time and Money Reshaped My Focus

How Learning from Lost Time and Money Reshaped My Focus—On the Page and Beyond

In a world that constantly pulls you in many directions, it's challenging to make the right decision on where to focus your time and energy. I know this struggle firsthand. For much of my adult life, I struggled with this dilemma, and I believe it cost me years of personal and professional growth that came much later than it should have. These years of growth were sacrificed on the altar of fake temporary friendships and ill-fated relationships. It took me far longer than I feel it should have to realize where my priorities should have been. It also costed me money, not just up front but also in money I could be making now if I'd had the same mindset I do now. I was so caught up in what people thought of me I lost sight of how far I could go if I just focused on what I wanted instead of what they wanted. If you've ever found yourself torn between the magnetic pull of social connections and the promise of fulfillment through your craft, you've clicked on the right article.

Understanding the Weight of Priorities in Life and Writing

Humans are inherently social creatures. We crave connection. Even those of us who claim to be introverts—myself included—secretly crave some sort of connection. Not all connections are created equal, however. Some friendships last a lifetime, and the same goes for those lucky few to find the one they want to spend their life with. Conversely, there are other relationships that are fleeting. These relationships, romantic or not, pass through like seasons, leaving nothing but memories—both good and bad—and more often than I'd like to admit personally, regret. The latter is not a bad thing. Mistakes are part of life, and those fleeting relationships that end in regret are just that, mistakes. The problems arise when you invest too much time—and sometimes money—in those meaningless and fleeting friendships and relationships. It can blind us to what we want, what's best for us and what we want out of life.

As a writer, I've learned that life and the writing process are similar. Both require effort, honesty, self-reflection, and a commitment to both personal and professional growth. Whether in writing or life if you allow yourself to be distracted, whether it be by meaningless relationships or simply too much socializing, the proverbial well could run dry and leave you with nothing to show for the effort you do put in. The stories waiting to be written, skills waiting to be nurtured and honed, all left on the sidelines while we chase what is ultimately temporary.

Personal Experience: The Cost of Chasing the Ephemeral—On and Off the Page

I write this from experience. In my teens and early twenties, I wore the social butterfly status as a badge of honor. When you think of where I came from, a loner kid with a disability that nobody really paid attention to growing up, I wasn't ready to give up the social scene for personal success. If I'm being honest, it was more of a lack of foresight than a lack of desire. I spent far too many nights in bars socializing with people who only cared about me because I was buying the drinks. When the pandemic put us in our homes and made people afraid to go out, I was spending money on frivolous things to numb the feelings of being trapped. If only I'd known at the time where my real catharsis was. As it was, that whole time was spent with unfinished drafts, a blog not yet born, and a growing sense of futility. As you may have read in my last article, time is a resource that we cannot get back. My biggest regret of the last decade or so isn't the wasted money, but the time I could have spent doing this, pursuing the craft that I love. All I can do now is make the most of the time I've got.

The Case for Personal and Professional Growth—And Creative Fulfillment

So, what's the alternative? Simple really. I made a conscious decision—a little more recently than I care to admit—to give priority to my personal and creative growth. Not by swearing off all relationships, of course. I just changed my mindset a little. I stepped away from social media, as I found that to be my biggest distraction. I spent time that I would normally spend numbing my mind with whatever streaming series I was hooked on at the time writing and creating instead. Any relationship still left is based either in family or mutual respect of what I'm trying to do. I have one close friend from high school I hang out with and talk to often, and there are others who support the journey I'm on. The rest sort of fell away on their own. Funny how that happens, isn't it? That's my advice to you on this subject. If you have a goal in mind, surround yourself with people who either have the same goals or respect the path you're on. That ensures you're investing your time in meaningful relationships that don't interfere with your chosen path. As writers, we need people in our lives who support our creative spirit, not ones who are looking for some sort of convenience. Align your circle with your goals and you'll go far.

Why Growth Matters More—For Writers and Beyond

• Lasting Rewards: I've heard it said many times that the best investment you can make is investing in yourself. Skills, knowledge, and self-awareness are investments in oneself that are guaranteed to appreciate over time. Unlike some relationships that can come and go, what you build within yourself and on the page endures as long as you do, and beyond.
• Opportunities Multiply: The more you grow, whether that's through workshops, personal work, or submitting your work, the more doors that will open for you. You will see more opportunities for new projects and higher-quality relationships. It's a cycle that you want to keep going.
• Greater Resilience: Personal growth gives you the tools and abilities to handle the inevitable setbacks associated with a creative career with grace and perseverance. After all, failure is part of the process.
• Attracting the Right People: When you focus on yourself and your creative goals, you naturally attract like-minded individuals who share your ambitions. This can include other writers, creative people, or mentors.

Practical Steps for Prioritizing Growth—And the Craft of Writing

• Audit Your Time: Track how you spend your days. Ensure you are investing your time in people and activities that enrich your life and promote your growth.
• Create a Growth Plan: This one seems simple on the surface, but it can trip some people up. I know it did for me. Set goals for growth in each aspect of your life and break them down into small achievable steps.
• Learn to Say No: This was the hardest part for me. Resist the urge to please people, especially those who don't understand or align with your goals. You're not disrespecting them. You're respecting yourself.
• Seek Mentors and Fellow Writers/Creators: This was also hard for me at first. I wanted so badly to succeed and to be able to say I did it on my own that I just charged ahead and started writing, blogging, and submitting. This approach led to many of the avoidable mistakes I've made on my journey. There is no shame in walking through doors that are opened for you. Nobody who has ever succeeded has done it completely alone. Seek out fellow creative minds, people who have walked the same path you're walking. Any guidance, feedback, or encouragement you can receive along the way will be invaluable.
• Invest in Experiences, Not Appearances: Spend your resources—time and money—on anything that will further your craft, whether that be books, workshops, or even travel. Your time, money, and energy should be spent on expanding your own horizons, not impressing others.
• Reflect Regularly: Always make time for yourself, time to reflect and evaluate your progress. If you need to adjust your goals and priorities, this is the time to do that as well. I like to spend some time with my morning coffee reflecting on where I am and where I want to be. If those two points don't line up, I make a list of things I can do to line them up, always remembering that where there is life, there is time, and where there's time, there's hope.

Final Thoughts: It's Not Too Late—For Life, or Your Writing

If you're reading this article and have made it this far because you've lost time and money chasing relationships that led nowhere, I leave you with this advice: It's never too late to change the course of your life, personally, professionally, or creatively. All that energy you spent on meaningless relationships has turned into experience, and that experience can be fuel for any transformation you'd like to make, both in life and in work. Every day you open your eyes, they open on a new opportunity to prioritize yourself and those you truly care about, and that truly care about you. Every day is an opportunity to foster your own creativity and chase what really matters to you.

Growth is not a path you can walk alone. Rather, choose the right companions. But the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself, and with your craft. Protect your time and your resources with everything you have. Focus on becoming the person—and the writer—that you want to be. If you do that, the right relationships and partnerships will find you. They will leave you richer and more fulfilled instead of drained and empty like you might be used to. Let go of what's fleeting. Commit to what is lasting. Prioritize growth and watch your personal and creative life transform before your eyes.

How Learning from Lost Time and Money Reshaped My Focus—On the Page and Beyond

In a world that constantly pulls you in many directions, it's challenging to make the right decision on where to focus your time and energy. I know this struggle firsthand. For much of my adult life, I struggled with this dilemma, and I believe it cost me years of personal and professional growth that came much later than it should have. These years of growth were sacrificed on the altar of fake temporary friendships and ill-fated relationships. It took me far longer than I feel it should have to realize where my priorities should have been. It also costed me money, not just up front but also in money I could be making now if I’d had the same mindset I do now. I was so caught up in what people thought of me I lost sight of how far I could go if I just focused on what I wanted instead of what they wanted. If you’ve ever found yourself torn between the magnetic pull of social connections and the promise of fulfillment through your craft, you’ve clicked on the right article.

Understanding the Weight of Priorities in Life and Writing

Humans are inherently social creatures. We crave connection. Even those of us who claim to be introverts—myself included—secretly crave some sort of connection. Not all connections are created equal, however. Some friendships last a lifetime, and the same goes for those lucky few to find the one they want to spend their life with. Conversely, there are other relationships that are fleeting. These relationships, romantic or not, pass through like seasons, leaving nothing but memories—both good and bad—and more often than I’d like to admit personally, regret. The latter is not a bad thing. Mistakes are part of life, and those fleeting relationships that end in regret are just that, mistakes. The problems arise when you invest too much time—and sometimes money—in those meaningless and fleeting friendships and relationships. It can blind us to what we want, what’s best for us and what we want out of life.

As a writer, I’ve learned that life and the writing process are similar. Both require effort, honesty, self–reflection, and a commitment to both personal and professional growth. Whether in writing or life if you allow yourself to be distracted, whether it be by meaningless relationships or simply too much socializing, the proverbial well could run dry and leave you with nothing to show for the effort you do put in. The stories waiting to be written, skills waiting to be nurtured and honed, all left on the sidelines while we chase what is ultimately temporary. 

Personal Experience: The Cost of Chasing the Ephemeral–On and Off the Page

I write this from experience. In my teens and early twenties, I wore the social butterfly status as a badge of honor. When you think of where I came from, a loner kid with a disability that nobody really paid attention to growing up, I wasn’t ready to give up the social scene for personal success. If I’m being honest, it was more of a lack of foresight than a lack of desire. I spent far too many nights in bars socializing with people who only cared about me because I was buying the drinks. When the pandemic put us in our homes and made people afraid to go out, I was spending money on frivolous things to numb the feelings of being trapped. If only I’d known at the time where my real catharsis was. As it was, that whole time was spent with unfinished drafts, a blog not yet born, and a growing sense of futility. As you may have read in my last article, time is a resource that we cannot get back. My biggest regret of the last decade or so isn’t the wasted money, but the time I could have spent doing this, pursuing the craft that I love. All I can do now is make the most of the time I’ve got.

The Case for Personal and Professional Growth—And Creative Fulfillment

So, what’s the alternative? Simple really. I made a conscious decision—a little more recently than I care to admit—to give priority to my personal and creative growth. Not by swearing off all relationships, of course. I just changed my mindset a little. I stepped away from social media, as I found that to be my biggest distraction. I spent time that I would normally spend numbing my mind with whatever streaming series I was hooked on at the time writing and creating instead. Any relationship still left is based either in family or mutual respect of what I’m trying to do. I have one close friend from high school I hang out with and talk to often, and there are others who support the journey I’m on. The rest sort of fell away on their own. Funny how that happens, isn’t it? That’s my advice to you on this subject. If you have a goal in mind, surround yourself with people who either have the same goals or respect the path you’re on. That ensures you’re investing your time in meaningful relationships that don’t interfere with your chosen path. As writers, we need people in our lives who support our creative spirit, not ones who are looking for some sort of convenience. Align your circle with your goals and you’ll go far.

Why Growth Matters More—For Writers and Beyond

Lasting Rewards: I’ve heard it said many times that the best investment you can make is investing in yourself. Skills, knowledge, and self-awareness are investments in oneself that are guaranteed to appreciate over time. Unlike some relationships that can come and go, what you build within yourself and on the page endures as long as you do, and beyond.

Opportunities Multiply: The more you grow, whether that’s through workshops, personal work, or submitting your work, the more doors that will open for you. You will see more opportunities for new projects and higher-quality relationships. It’s a cycle that you want to keep going.

Greater Resilience: Personal growth gives you the tools and abilities to handle the inevitable setbacks associated with a creative career with grace and perseverance. After all, failure is part of the process.

Attracting the Right People: When you focus on yourself and your creative goals, you naturally attract like-minded individuals who share your ambitions. This can include other writers, creative people, or mentors.

Practical Steps for Prioritizing Growth—And the Craft of Writing

Audit Your Time: Track how you spend your days. Ensure you are investing your time in people and activities that enrich your life and promote your growth.

Create a Growth Plan: This one seems simple on the surface, but it can trip some people up. I know it did for me. Set goals for growth in each aspect of your life and break them down into small achievable steps.

Learn to Say No: This was the hardest part for me. Resist the urge to please people, especially those who don’t understand or align with your goals. You’re not disrespecting them. You’re respecting yourself.

Seek Mentors and Fellow Writers/Creators: This was also hard for me at first. I wanted so badly to succeed and to be able to say I did it on my own that I just charged ahead and started writing, blogging, and submitting. This approach led to many of the avoidable mistakes I’ve made on my journey. There is no shame in walking through doors that are opened for you. Nobody who has ever succeeded has done it completely alone. Seek out fellow creative minds, people who have walked the same path you’re walking. Any guidance, feedback, or encouragement you can receive along the way will be invaluable.

Invest in Experiences, Not Appearances: Spend your resources—time and money—on anything that will further your craft, whether that be books, workshops, or even travel. Your time, money, and energy should be spent on expanding your own horizons, not impressing others.

Reflect Regularly: Always make time for yourself, time to reflect and evaluate your progress. If you need to adjust your goals and priorities, this is the time to do that as well. I like to spend some time with my morning coffee reflecting on where I am and where I want to be. If those two points don’t line up, I make a list of things I can do to line them up, always remembering that where there is life, there is time, and where there’s time, there’s hope.

Final Thoughts It’s Not Too Late—For Life, or Your Writing

If you’re reading this article and have made it this far because you’ve lost time and money chasing relationships that led nowhere, I leave you with this advice: It’s never too late to change the course of your life, personally, professionally, or creatively. All that energy you spent on meaningless relationships has turned into experience, and that experience can be fuel for any transformation you’d like to make, both in life and in work. Every day you open your eyes, they open on a new opportunity to prioritize yourself and those you truly care about, and that truly care about you. Every day is an opportunity to foster your own creativity and chase what really matters to you.

Growth is not a path you can walk alone. Rather, choose the right companions. But the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself, and with your craft. Protect your time and your resources with everything you have. Focus on becoming the person—and the writer—that you want to be. If you do that, the right relationships and partnerships will find you. They will leave you richer and more fulfilled instead of drained and empty like you might be used to. Let go of what’s fleeing. Commit to what is lasting. Prioritize growth and watch your personal and creative life transform before your eyes.